


Happy Christmas, my beloved

by Ostodvandi



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Hospitalization, M/M, References to Depression, i guess you can call it a happy ending, shiro hinoka and mikoto are mented, some subtle camilla/hinoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 11:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13145733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ostodvandi/pseuds/Ostodvandi
Summary: Ryoma's only Christmas wish is for his beloved to come back to him.





	Happy Christmas, my beloved

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the fastest and clichest thing I've ever written but, hey, I have to use those rare times when I have time and inspiration at once. Enjoy and stuff, and I hope you all had a happy Christmas. This has been written with "In the stars", "Warmth is gone" (from FE14) and "Beloved one" (FE4).

The morning of Christmas Eve is silent in this house, Ryoma being the first to wake up and prepare breakfast for the children. There are no presents under the little Christmas tree, but it’s ok. He already explained the kids that their presents were sent to grandpa Sumeragi instead, so dad could spend those two days in the hospital.

Siegbert is the first to peek into the room, looking a bit sleepy.

‘Good morning, Siegbert.’ The kid yawns and sits, still holding close his stuffed bunny toy.

‘Morning…’

‘Have you and your brother prepared everything for today?’

Siegbert nods, swinging his legs under the table as Ryoma serves dinner. Shiro always has a hard time waking up, so Ryoma can only guess he’s still sleeping.

It’s been two months, but his absence still hurts, as much as it hurts to see Siegbert’s eyes subconsciously searching for him.

Ryoma leaves a kiss on his head, hugging his son tightly.

‘He’ll be fine, you’ll see.’

Siegbert smiles softly. It hurts how much he trusts his father’s word.

If only he could believe that himself.

* * *

 

It takes an hour to check if both Siegbert and Shiro have packed everything for two days, and another hour to arrive at Sumeragi and Mikoto’s house. Hopefully, the kids seem a bit excited to be there, about to see their grandparents and cousins and receive presents. In fact, there are two visible presents waiting for them under Mikoto’s tree.

‘I told you Santa was going to bring them here.’ Ryoma says, with a side smile, enjoying how surprised they look.

‘I bet you’ve been really good kids, it’s impossible that old man would leave you without anything’ Sumeragi cackles, but soon stares at his son with a grave expression. His voice sounds lower when he speaks again. ‘Are you sure you’ll be alright?’

‘...Yes.’ He’s not, but his father’s hand rubbing his back makes him feel a bit better. ‘I can’t just leave him alone, father, not today. It’s better like this.’

His weak smile doesn’t quite convince Sumeragi, but the grandfather just sighs.

‘Mikoto is worried about you too, you know. Not only Mikoto: Takumi, Hinoka, Sakura… Everyone is.’

‘I know. But it’s being… bearable, so far. If I need anything, I’ll tell you.’

The grandpa nods, holding him close in a warm bear hug.

* * *

 

When it’s time to go, a soft voice freezes Ryoma in the spot, with his hand around the knob.

‘Dad?’ Siegbert is there, with his bunny against his chest and visibly nervous. Ryoma kneels in front of him, looking into those brown eyes that remind him so much of Xander’s.

‘What is it, sweetheart? Dad has to go now…’

‘I know, but.’ He looks down, and finally hands him the bunny. ‘Can you bring Siegfried to him?’

Ryoma blinks, being left wordless for several seconds. That bunny was actually Xander’s, long ago, but, nowadays, Siegbert can’t even sleep without it.

‘But, sweetheart…’

‘I’ll be ok. Papa said I have to be strong and patient, right? I… I will try. So…’

‘...Alright.’ he takes the bunny carefully, and strokes Siegbert’s hair. ‘Thank you, dear.’

* * *

 

Hospitals have become a scary place. Ryoma was never the type to fear doctors or surgeries, but he knows that Xander does as well as the reason. During these last months, the vision of the large grey building has been constantly present in his nightmares, and the mere thought of entering it makes him shiver.

This is where Xander’s beautiful eyes glimpsed any light for the last time. The place is happier than usual, and more somber at the same time. It depends on which room you look. Ryoma can hear caroling coming from some rooms while others are lonely and silent.

He finally reaches his room.

Camilla’s purple hair stands out in the middle of this white sea of walls and blankets, and while some light slips through the curtain, the air feels oppressive.

‘Happy Christmas Eve,’ he whispers, getting Camilla’s attention. She looks tired, but manages to crack a smile, though there’s nothing really happy in it.

‘Happy Christmas Eve, Ryoma.’ She stands up to hug him. It doesn’t last long. Ryoma’s eyes immediately slip towards his husband, whose eyes are still closed. His curls are all over the pillow, and if it weren’t for the device that’s helping him breathe and the pallid shade of his skin, he’d look like he was just sleeping peacefully.

He should be used to this picture already, but he isn’t.

‘I’ll take care of him, Camilla.’ His voice sounds weak, merely a murmur. ‘Hinoka is already waiting for you at my father’s.’

She smiles again at the thought of her wife waiting for her.

‘Will you be fine?’

‘Yes. And I could ask you the same.’

‘I…’ Camilla looks at her brother, like she’s begging him to wake up. ‘...Please, call me if he wakes up.’

‘Of course.’ Ryoma shivers at that wording. “If”. He will wake up. Ryoma will hang onto this hope until something happens, whichever one of the two outcomes it is.

But when he’s left alone with Xander, he feels like the entire world is on his shoulders and all the fears that have been haunting him come back, making him shed the tears he has already been expecting.

He leaves Siegbert’s bunny on the nightstand, beside the flowers someone, probably Camilla, brought here. Black roses, Xander’s favourites.

‘Hello, my love. I’m here.’ There’s no answer, not that Ryoma should expect one. He carefully holds one of Xander’s hands with his own, and inhales deeply.

‘I see you’re still sleeping,’ Ryoma sighs. Words are piling up in his throat, and his brain fails to organize them properly for several minutes. A cold wind blows against the window, but no storm can compare to what happens in Ryoma’s heart every time he comes to this place.

‘It’s Christmas Eve, sweetheart. I was… hoping you would have joined us already, but, as I promised, I’m being patient. The kids, too. Shiro, especially, has been behaving so well just because he wants you to come back. But I know that you need a lot of rest after what happened.’

His quivering fingers run over Xander’s skin. ‘But you can’t rest forever, love. It’s… not that time yet.’

‘Tell me… Was it on purpose?’ The fear that blooms in his stomach when he considers that possibility hurts more than anything else. ‘I… want to believe it wasn’t. I really… want to think that you were getting better, and that you were happy enough to not even consider that… But I know your sadness is difficult to overcome, despite how strong you are. That’s why, I… I am scared, Xander.’

His eyes itch, and Ryoma lets the tears fall. Their families are not here, he doesn’t have to be strong when it’s just him and Xander. He doesn’t have to say he’s fine.

‘I’m scared,’ he whispers, when he’s finally able to speak through the tears again, ‘that I’ll… never see your smile again. That I won’t ever look into your eyes again. I need you, everyone in this family needs you, so please… If you can hear me… At least give me a sign...’

His voice breaks, and the wind and Ryoma’s hiccups become the only sounds in this white void of a room.

* * *

 

Christmas Eve is gone, and so is the storm that raged during all yesterday evening. When Ryoma wakes up, the bright sunlight fills the room, and Ryoma forgets what day it is and where he is for a second.

He has fallen asleep with his head on Xander’s bed, holding his hand firmly. There’s a warm, heartening feeling on his chest, probably from whatever he was dreaming of, but Xander’s eyes are still closed.

‘...Happy Christmas, my beloved.’ The Christmas miracle he asked for didn’t come true, but the hope is still there. ‘And happy Christmas to you too, Siegfried.’ He says, looking at Siegbert’s bunny.

Siegbert and Shiro… Ryoma only wishes they had a funny, peaceful night. He gets up, knowing he needs some kind of breakfast, but is hesitant to leave Xander alone for even one second. So he just distracts himself answering his family’s messages, and looking at the dry landscape the window offers him. The nurses come and go, and just like that, the seconds go by.

He lets himself fall on the sofa when the last nurse is gone, holding Xander’s hand again. It’s warm, it’s alive, and Ryoma wants to think that’s all that matters.

It feels, in fact, warmer than yesterday, somehow. Ryoma tries to ignore the little glimpse of hope that is growing on his chest, when he looks again at Xander, and two warm brown eyes meet Ryoma’s.

His heart starts racing as he realizes his Christmas miracle has been finally granted. ‘...Welcome back, love.’


End file.
